Sober me up, please

She left like how Bojack turns around and walks away to rehab at the end of season five. You see Diane standing there watching, wave him goodbye, stub out her cigarette, drive away into a tunnel, and the screen fades to black. Somehow, the roles must've gotten reversed. My sunshine left like how a cloud floats by and completely shades away the light falling on you. You look up to see where it went, or when the cloud is gonna pass over completely, only to realize that the sky has completely changed. And then you see your sunshine turn a corner, in the arms of someone else. and then you don't see her anymore.

Like all things, my sunshine found me at a time when I was all but looking for her. The underlying problem with finding things you're not looking for is that you realize you now have a void you wont be able to fill, if you lose said things again. I say things, but I guess this would apply to people too, at least to the same extent, if not more? My sunshine left, and once she was gone, it was like she had never been there.

If you've grown beyond places and cities and houses and flats and mattresses, and specific pillows, you'll find that the feeling of being homesick doesn't come because you miss more familiar walls or ceilings with fans that make screeching noises you've turned so used to that the help you sleep after a tiring day of work. Being homesick is the feeling of you being in a room, and it not feeling like home because you aren't sharing the same air with someone else you would like to do so with. If you've grown to associate the feeling of home with a person, you do not depend on four walls. You depend on their tantrums that annoy you, their many quirks, how they wake you up in the middle of the night asking for water, and then turn around and go back to sleep because somehow they remember to be mad at you even in their dreams, how they make you do things you've been to complacent to do yourself, just because it might be good for you. My sunshine left, and lying in bed, staring at the choker on the floor which she forgot to pack up, I felt like I was without a home.

What do you do when the person you want to talk to is the one person who isn't there?

My sunshine left, and I suddenly found myself back with the voice in my head. Suddenly, I was the better half of me, and for lack of better understanding, the worse half too. My sunshine left, and suddenly, I was in the darkness. Suddenly, I was nothing.

My sunshine left, and she never really returned.